(Re)Considering my Priorities

Maybe it’s because I got my hair did recently and spent a lot of time just sitting.  Maybe it’s because we had a mini-road trip this weekend and my mind wanders in the car.  Maybe it’s because work has been light the last week or so.  Whatever it is, I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and when my mind is unfocused, I find it reveals the things that are most important to me.  I am about to start my self-assessment for work (performance review time–woo!) and it got me thinking about the things in general that I most value.

I decided to list those things out, and upon further reflection, I’ve found that when the following things are made a priority (or, my days are simply filled with them), I am as happy as I could possibly be.  It makes me think  I need to be a bit more proactive in ensuring I am giving enough time and energy to the things that most fill me up.

(Note, these are in no particular order)

1) Friends & Family: I have grown to love spending time with Scott’s family, whether immediate (in SD) or extended (in CO).  They’ve truly welcomed me as one of their own, and I leave feeling so loved.  Friends can do the same for me, and I want to push myself to expand my “close friends” circle–not necessarily the life-long friends (I’ve got several of those!) but the type of gals that I can call last minute for brunch.  To go try on outfits together.  To vent about work over a cocktail at a bar.  I do have a great “girls night group”, but I also find myself craving one-on-one time, as I’m starting to learn that I get the most out of that sacred time with my closest confidantes (this is when I feel I can be open and honest and share what’s really on my mind).  Of course, I do enjoy groups and hanging out with couple-friends–especially those who send me home with sore cheeks from all of the smiles and laughter.  Now that we’re getting settled in, I hope to invite our friends over more frequently to fill this need.

2) Fulfilling Career: I have been reflecting A LOT on this lately, especially given the rough couple of months I went through this winter/early spring.  It’s becoming exceptionally clear that if I don’t like my job–or more importantly, if I don’t think my job really matters, then I’m not happy in it.  I get that I have a good thing going, and that working for my company (in my specific role) affords me so much privilege that many people just don’t have.  But there’s also a lot expected of me, and if I’m going to do this work and do it well, it’s important to me that I believe in it.  Right now I’m not so sure that is the case, so I need to spend some time soul-searching and seeing what needs to change to make my work more fulfilling to me moving forward. (Another point of privilege: once I figure this out and share it with my manager, I have no doubt she’ll be proactive in helping me make my role more reflective of my priorities and values–I’m so lucky.)

3) Financial Stability: Growing up, we didn’t have a ton of money, and as I went off to college and then on my own, it was terrifying at times to not have a safety net.  I spent the greater half of my adulthood living pay check to pay check, and fearing that one slip-up–a hospital bill, car problem, family emergency–would pull the rug out from under me.  Say what you want, but things like “savings” and “emergency fund” are luxuries, friends–even the most disciplined of us gotta eat.  Now that I’m in a MUCH better place financially (thanks in no small part to marrying a financial planner…), I am so appreciative of the sense of freedom that smart finances affords us.  When we got stranded in San Francisco after the plane crash, instead of anger I felt joy and gratitude–not because we HAD to pay for a hotel room but because we were ABLE to afford one without throwing off our entire monthly budget.  Buying a house has made this a new challenge, but it is something that I now really value about my lifestyle (not having money–but rather being smart with it) and am committed to keeping up.

4) Health & Fitness: Ever since I quit gymnastics when I was 17, I’ve struggled with health and fitness.  I go through cycles, but I cannot argue that I am my happiest when I’m at my healthiest.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve tried everything (well, every HEALTHY thing) to stick with working out and eating right, but it really is just a simple commitment.  I have no excuse here–right now this is VERY out of whack (buying and working on a house results in many take-out meals).  But I’m hoping that as the weather warms up, I can get back into a routine of running and eating healthier.  I am committed to finding a way to make healthy living a part of my everyday lifestyle.

5) Adventure & Exploration: this is a priority that I may not always think of, but it’s at the heart of my desire to travel, my preference to try new restaurants (rather than settle into “regulars”), and the reason Scott and I rarely find ourselves “vacationing”, but rather sight-seeing and traveling.  I hope to make this an even bigger priority in our lives moving forward, (starting with our trip to Thailand!)  It seems there is always an excuse–namely tight schedules and finances–but we have plenty of corners in this lovely state of ours to explore, and I need to make this a more regular part of my days.

We’re entering my favorite time of year (SUMMMMERRRRR) and with the change of seasons can come change in priorities.  It’s time to get back to my basics!

 

A Typical Friday Evening.

A Typical Friday Evening:

Beer bar, fun and games, and my love.  Oh, and winning.  Of course.

Goal Setting

I read an article yesterday about the pros and cons of goal setting.  The idea is that while yes, goals are important for a lot of reasons (to keep us motivated and guided towards our aspirations), sometimes even short terms goals can feel too forward focused.  Specifically, if your goals are all about developing or changing into something else, they can start to feel draining–and can send negative messages about yourself if and when you don’t meet them.

The article proposed a different approach to short term planning: how can you set goals look from where you are on up, instead of from where you need to be on down?  It’s  fascinating concept.

Instead of saying “here is my goal. In order to get there, I will have to do/be x, y, and z.  Here is when I should have x completed, and then y, and then z.”  You say: here is my goal.  I want to be do/be x, y, and z.  Here are the opportunities this week in which I can NAIL x, grow in z, and y is just not my focus right now.” It’s a nuanced difference, but a very important one.

• It is asset vs. deficit based.  Instead of focusing on what I DO NOT have or do (and thus need to fix about myself), it focuses on the current strengths and opportunities that exist, and lets me build on those towards my ultimate destination.
• My motivation comes from wanting to achieve vs. fearing failure.  If I fail at the upwards facing goal, that’s ok–I’m still me and the good things are still true about me, as are the areas I want to focus on.  I’m motivated to try again because I still find those goals worthwhile.  If I fail at the downward facing goal, then I am “behind” on my progress, and next time I have to do twice as much work (with probably half as much confidence).
• It validates all of the work you’ve done to get to this point.  Part of the problem with goal setting is that it sometimes minimizes all of the work you’ve done to get to your current point in life, and instead makes you feel like you always have to be better.  Like, all of the hard work you’ve done up to this point was solely to get you ready to do MORE work to be and do better!  How unmotivating is that?!?  Surprise!  Your reward is…more work.  This approach helps us see that our current destination–the end point of some previous journey–is still pretty flippin’ great; we should be proud and enjoy the fruits of our labor.
• It doesn’t let you off the hook.  You are still responsible for doing the work if you want the growth.  However, instead of being given these things to accomplish, you also have to do the work of analyzing your strengths, viewing the obstacles in your life as opportunities, and also learning to prioritize growing with just being.  How much better off will we be putting our energy into that kind of self-analysis, vs. the kinds of assessment that just look for where we suck?
• It may be slower moving, but perhaps ultimately quicker in reaching the end goal.  Think tortoise vs. hare here.  While I may not be zooming through goals and checking things off my “growth-to-do” list, it’s likely that the growth I do experience will be deeper and longer-lasting, and one that I can apply in a variety of contexts, settings, and situations.

This just feels like such a loving idea.  Like, you are great, but there is still nothing wrong with a little growth and self-betterment–as long as it acknowledges how wonderful and strong you already are.  And we totally need to give ourselves more credit; how hard have we each worked to gown and learn and get exactly where we are right now?

It’s totally fine to want to grow and change: just be sure that you’re doing this because you want to be x, not because you don’t want to be who you are right now.

Someday I’ll have a job that I love.

Since this is in fact a place where I attempt to make “someday” into “today”, I figure it’s time to update on one of the biggest areas of my life: career.

I never pictured myself in my current situation.  When I was younger I had it all figured out: I’d go to law School, become some high powered attorney who would consistently crush my competition with my incredible logic, knowledge of the law, and my charming wit… 🙂 (side note: thank GOD shows like Scandal and Damages didn’t exist when I was younger… I didn’t need that kind of encouragement!)  I would have a corner office in some big city, wear super nice (but professional) clothes, make tons of money, feel challenged every day, and I could go home each night knowing that I had done my part to restore justice in the world.

As with most 20-somethings, I’m finding that my reality is nowhere near the dream I held.  As it turns out, it is better.  Let’s break it down:

Career Field: I may not be a member of the legal field, but I have found a different kind of calling: education non-profits. WOOO!  Doesn’t it just make your heart race with excitement?!  After joining TFA I really felt like I found a home, and an organization that–while it doesn’t always get it right–will always try to do and be better. Especially when I compare our org culture to other people I know, we have it good.  TFA is so open and receptive to feedback, and will literally do whatever it can to retain talent, and make them feel like they can do their best work.  I make a fantastic salary for being at a non-profit, and still have so much room for growth and career development.  While “office politics” still matters to some degree, it is MUCH easier to navigate than I would imagine other settings, and I can see myself here for years (and years) to come.

Office: I may not have an office on the 89th floor of a large city, but I do have the corner, and a view out to our sunny backyard.  The commute is short (unless one of the pups decides we HAVE to snuggle for an extra five minutes) and the hours are extremely flexible.  Yep, I work from home.  While this is definitely a blessing and a curse, once I figured it out, it’s turned out to be so incredible and so perfect for my working style.  I LOVE that I can work from wherever feels most comfortable (coffee shop? my desk? couch? somewhere else?!) and that I can do different types of work when I’m most effective (for example: I do most of my writing/creating in the AM, and save calls for the afternoon).  We always have plenty of food/snacks around and if I forget to bring a lunch, it’s totally fine!  Oh, and did I mention my office-mates are pretty darn adorable?  (although they do tend to sleep and snore a lot during the day…slackers.)

Fashion: Soooo…. I definitely have traded in my dreams of stilettos and form-fitting blazers for a reality of boxers and hoodies.  But that actually is way more practical for me, and helps save precious moments getting ready in the morning (which either allows me to sleep in or end the day early).  While I do admit I want to develop my fashion sense quite a bit more, the occasional conference still gives me the opportunity to dress to impress every once in awhile, which is good enough for now.

DoD (Degree of Difficulty): This is probably the best part.  While I don’t get to continually be challenged with the puzzle that is the law, I do get to design, and create, and write, and refine.  I can’t always say this about all of my roles in TFA, but this one is just SO right for me.  I feel both challenged and humbled by the opportunity to be a designer, and the resident expert in my field.  I get to create things that will be used by thousands of teachers, and impact hundreds of thousands of students each day, for years to come.  When people have questions, they reach out to me confident they will get their answer.  When something doesn’t sit right with me, I have the genuine power to research and find a solution.  It is incredible, and a position I thought would take me many more years to acquire.

Making a Difference: I still go (stay?) home every night knowing I’ve done my part to restore justice in the world.  It’s just a differnt kind of justice, for a different kind of deserving party.

Do I have the type of career I always thought I would? Of course not.  But the type of happiness and fulfillment I have always wanted “someday” is happening now.  I may not have my “dream job”, but really, who does?  Some people waste years chasing one, only to realize that your dream job is not a role but rather an impact.  I have a job that challenges me, brings so much joy and happiness to my life, AND allows me to do good in the world.  That kind of seems like a dream to me.

Fun Times and Perfect Timing

It is raining, here in Colorado.  We are either on fire or we’re flooding…. My goodness!

But in spite of the weather, things have certainly been looking up, and I have no doubt they will only continue to get better (and busier!).  Lunch with Abby, book club/goodbye party, happy hour on Gaylord St., work potluck and a World of Beer outing to round out the work week. A weekend full of Lumineers at Red Rocks (along with the necessary tailgating) and Jenn ‘s visit–a day of brunches and breweries.  Then it’s off to CHICAGO to see work friends and explore the city with Scott when he arrives on Thursday.  These are the people and events that have filled my heart and lifted my spirits the last few days, and will continue to do so for the next week +.

But in the midst of this, I have to remember that is important to be happy alone (ish) too.  Scott has been WONDERFUL the past week, making sure I feel loved and supported and cared about every chance he gets.  I’ve used the gym as an outlet and a means to remind myself how strong I am–physically and mentally–and how committed I am to my well-being (we’re on day 24 of the streak!).  And my work has been an incredible place to get lost in something I love doing, and a fantastic reminder of how lucky I am that I get to live my passion. 

I know not every week can be like this, but it is certainly no coincidence that all of this awesome-ness came right when it did.  Feeling so fortunate and want to remember to not take weeks like this (or the people in them) for granted.