Goal Setting

I read an article yesterday about the pros and cons of goal setting.  The idea is that while yes, goals are important for a lot of reasons (to keep us motivated and guided towards our aspirations), sometimes even short terms goals can feel too forward focused.  Specifically, if your goals are all about developing or changing into something else, they can start to feel draining–and can send negative messages about yourself if and when you don’t meet them.

The article proposed a different approach to short term planning: how can you set goals look from where you are on up, instead of from where you need to be on down?  It’s  fascinating concept.

Instead of saying “here is my goal. In order to get there, I will have to do/be x, y, and z.  Here is when I should have x completed, and then y, and then z.”  You say: here is my goal.  I want to be do/be x, y, and z.  Here are the opportunities this week in which I can NAIL x, grow in z, and y is just not my focus right now.” It’s a nuanced difference, but a very important one.

• It is asset vs. deficit based.  Instead of focusing on what I DO NOT have or do (and thus need to fix about myself), it focuses on the current strengths and opportunities that exist, and lets me build on those towards my ultimate destination.
• My motivation comes from wanting to achieve vs. fearing failure.  If I fail at the upwards facing goal, that’s ok–I’m still me and the good things are still true about me, as are the areas I want to focus on.  I’m motivated to try again because I still find those goals worthwhile.  If I fail at the downward facing goal, then I am “behind” on my progress, and next time I have to do twice as much work (with probably half as much confidence).
• It validates all of the work you’ve done to get to this point.  Part of the problem with goal setting is that it sometimes minimizes all of the work you’ve done to get to your current point in life, and instead makes you feel like you always have to be better.  Like, all of the hard work you’ve done up to this point was solely to get you ready to do MORE work to be and do better!  How unmotivating is that?!?  Surprise!  Your reward is…more work.  This approach helps us see that our current destination–the end point of some previous journey–is still pretty flippin’ great; we should be proud and enjoy the fruits of our labor.
• It doesn’t let you off the hook.  You are still responsible for doing the work if you want the growth.  However, instead of being given these things to accomplish, you also have to do the work of analyzing your strengths, viewing the obstacles in your life as opportunities, and also learning to prioritize growing with just being.  How much better off will we be putting our energy into that kind of self-analysis, vs. the kinds of assessment that just look for where we suck?
• It may be slower moving, but perhaps ultimately quicker in reaching the end goal.  Think tortoise vs. hare here.  While I may not be zooming through goals and checking things off my “growth-to-do” list, it’s likely that the growth I do experience will be deeper and longer-lasting, and one that I can apply in a variety of contexts, settings, and situations.

This just feels like such a loving idea.  Like, you are great, but there is still nothing wrong with a little growth and self-betterment–as long as it acknowledges how wonderful and strong you already are.  And we totally need to give ourselves more credit; how hard have we each worked to gown and learn and get exactly where we are right now?

It’s totally fine to want to grow and change: just be sure that you’re doing this because you want to be x, not because you don’t want to be who you are right now.