Every gesture has two sides, One faces the sun, and the other darkness.
Such a simple quote from one of my new fave shows (Damages–it’s INCREDIBLE!) but so much meaning. A reminder that people are loyal to themselves first and others second. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s just the way of self-preservation and instinct. Even generosity has motive (feeling good about yourself) and we’re all fooling ourselves to think otherwise.
It is raining, here in Colorado. We are either on fire or we’re flooding…. My goodness!
But in spite of the weather, things have certainly been looking up, and I have no doubt they will only continue to get better (and busier!). Lunch with Abby, book club/goodbye party, happy hour on Gaylord St., work potluck and a World of Beer outing to round out the work week. A weekend full of Lumineers at Red Rocks (along with the necessary tailgating) and Jenn ‘s visit–a day of brunches and breweries. Then it’s off to CHICAGO to see work friends and explore the city with Scott when he arrives on Thursday. These are the people and events that have filled my heart and lifted my spirits the last few days, and will continue to do so for the next week +.
But in the midst of this, I have to remember that is important to be happy alone (ish) too. Scott has been WONDERFUL the past week, making sure I feel loved and supported and cared about every chance he gets. I’ve used the gym as an outlet and a means to remind myself how strong I am–physically and mentally–and how committed I am to my well-being (we’re on day 24 of the streak!). And my work has been an incredible place to get lost in something I love doing, and a fantastic reminder of how lucky I am that I get to live my passion.
I know not every week can be like this, but it is certainly no coincidence that all of this awesome-ness came right when it did. Feeling so fortunate and want to remember to not take weeks like this (or the people in them) for granted.
Here’s the thing I love about the universe-it rewards those who work. And I’m certainly not someone who is afraid of work.
Yesterday I was feeling upset and down. Like, really upset. And that’s ok. I used to NEVER let myself be sad–I had to constantly keep it together, put on a smile, and not let anyone know I was hurting. I’m proud of myself for being sad at recent events, speaking up for myself, and grieving a certain kind of loss. But you know what? Aside from feeling better once you let it out, being upset and down is not going to tangibly change anything. You’ve got to DO something different if you want something different. So I did.
I reminded myself of the incredible people in my life, and made sure I am making time for them. I’ve got lunch set-up for tomorrow with one of my dearest friends, then book club on Thursday night with some fantastic women. I reconnected with another old college friend, and have plans to see him once I get back from my next work trip. I received one of the sweetest text and facebook messages from a new friend, and I am so grateful to have met her. I have to remember that there are people in my life that already love me, and when I take the time to invest more in those relationships, they will invest more in me.
I also went a step further to remind myself of the wonderful city I live in, and the potential to meet new incredible people every day. I signed up for some events to meet women in similar situations as me (20-30 year olds, recently married, new-ish to Denver, wanting to meet new friends) and am looking forward to breakfast and mimosas in the park with them this weekend. I’ve found some other folks with similar interests (craft beer, wine tasting, and happy hours!) and am eager to join some other events in the next few weeks.
I am by no means “done” making friends, or growing and developing into the person (and friend) I want to be. This possibility of expanding my friendships (and strengthening the ones I already have) is so exciting to me. I’m learning to not only “say yes” but to also say “hey, would you like to…” And I’m willing to put in the work to ensure that I am surrounded by positive people who love and care about me, and are willing to go the distance–even if it’s not always fun or pretty or convenient. So much to look forward to!
Ok, so I’m going to say something that I feel is super taboo:
I was disappointed with my wedding.
Not all of it, by any means. There were INCREDIBLE moments and I do overall have happy memories of the whole event. But I feel like I bought in to the notions of a perfect wedding, and unsurprisingly I was left disappointed. And if we’re being honest, I KNOW I am not the only bride who has felt this way. Some of my vendors did not come through in the way I had hoped, a few DIY projects didn’t look as nice in the venue as they did in my home, and the clean-up (while fast) resulted in many items I loved being thrown or given away, To be honest, I’ve been SO SCARED to admit to myself that I was disappiinted that I’ve literally been blocking out the memory for awhile. Can you imagine? Blocking out the memory of your wedding? Ridiculous.
But here’s the thing: my wedding was a wonderful day filled with people I love (and made possible by those same people working hard and helping out). So I refuse to feel bad about it because it did not meet the impossible expectations created by magazines and pinterest and brides with a lot more money than me to spend on one day. It’s time to take back my day. So here’s what I’m going to do:
I’m going to find certain aspects of my wedding and re-do them. I know that sounds crazy, but if there were certain feelings or even tangible THINGS I wanted out of my wedding day, I’m going to get them, so that I can look back on that day and QUIT seeing the things I missed out on, and start looking back on all of the wonderful things about it (including starting a life with my adoring husband).
Let Down/Re-Do #1: Photography.
Photography was perhaps the NUMBER ONE thing I was looking forward to. And we put in a lot of work to find the right photographer. And while we did find a guy with incredible talent, our photographer is perhaps the vendor I am the most disappointed with. Not because he did a bad job (we do have some great photos of our special day) but because he gave me so little guidance, and when I asked if I could provide him with a shot list, he made me feel a little guilty, like I was questioning his professional judgment to get it all. As a result, he missed a lot of shots I had hoped for, and some of those OMG photos I wanted just didn’t happen.
SO, we are going to hire another photographer and do another photo shoot-just not sure if it will be in San Diego or here in Denver yet. Sure we won’t have the dress or the tux, but the REAL desire behind that is to have some incredible, jaw dropping photos of me and my husband. So I’m going to get them so I can STOP feeling like I missed out on something.
This brings me to my second re-do related to photography: part of what I was so unhappy with at the wedding was how I looked in the photos. Now don’t get me wrong-I do think i looked pretty. But I still felt a little heavier than I wanted, my hair was not at all what I had hoped for, and the-make-up just wasn’t “me” (my second vendor let-down). So, in preparation for our little photo shoot I will work hard on going to the gym and getting to a place with my body where I’m happy (again to clarify-I did work REALLY hard leading up the wedding, I just felt like I ran out of time). I will learn how to dress for my shape and get a couple of super flattering outfits for our shots. And I will go to a salon the day of our photos and get my hair and make-up done again, this time with a natural look, more fitting for our setting and more reflective of who I am.
I know that this may sound like I’m being whiny or spoiled. But I’m really not trying to be; in fact, this is the first time I’ve even uttered the word “disappointed”. I’m just trying to be honest, and take back happy memories of my wedding day. I was set-up for failure by a ridiculous industry, and I’m ready to fight back.
So excited to begin this process!
Tackling Pinterest one Pin at a time!
Documenting the things that make up this little life
Faith. Family. Fitness
The Ocean in a Drop 