Dealing with Disappointment

Ok, so I’m going to say something that I feel is super taboo:

I was disappointed with my wedding.

Not all of it, by any means.  There were INCREDIBLE moments and I do overall have happy memories of the whole event.  But I feel like I bought in to the notions of a perfect wedding, and unsurprisingly I was left disappointed.  And if we’re being honest, I KNOW I am not the only bride who has felt this way.   Some of my vendors did not come through in the way I had hoped, a few DIY projects didn’t look as nice in the venue as they did in my home, and the clean-up (while fast) resulted in many items I loved being thrown or given away, To be honest, I’ve been SO SCARED to admit to myself that I was disappiinted that I’ve literally been blocking out the memory for awhile.  Can you imagine?  Blocking out the memory of your wedding?  Ridiculous.

But here’s the thing: my wedding was a wonderful day filled with people I love (and made possible by those same people working hard and helping out).  So I refuse to feel bad about it because it did not meet the impossible expectations created by magazines and pinterest and brides with a lot more money than me to spend on one day.  It’s time to take back my day.  So here’s what I’m going to do:

I’m going to find certain aspects of my wedding and re-do them.  I know that sounds crazy, but if there were certain feelings or even tangible THINGS I wanted out of my wedding day, I’m going to get them, so that I can look back on that day and QUIT seeing the things I missed out on, and start looking back on all of the wonderful things about it (including starting a life with my adoring husband).

Let Down/Re-Do #1: Photography.

Photography was perhaps the NUMBER ONE thing I was looking forward to.  And we put in a lot of work to find the right photographer.  And while we did find a guy with incredible talent, our photographer is perhaps the vendor I am the most disappointed with.  Not because he did a bad job (we do have some great photos of our special day) but because he gave me so little guidance, and when I asked if I could provide him with a shot list, he made me feel a little guilty, like I was questioning his professional judgment to get it all.  As a result, he missed a lot of shots I had hoped for, and some of those OMG photos I wanted just didn’t happen. 

SO, we are going to hire another photographer and do another photo shoot-just not sure if it will be in San Diego or here in Denver yet.  Sure we won’t have the dress or the tux, but the REAL desire behind that is to have some incredible, jaw dropping photos of me and my husband.  So I’m going to get them so I can STOP feeling like I missed out on something.

This brings me to my second re-do related to photography: part of what I was so unhappy with at the wedding was how I looked in the photos.  Now don’t get me wrong-I do think i looked pretty.  But I still felt a little heavier than I wanted, my hair was not at all what I had hoped for, and the-make-up just wasn’t “me” (my second vendor let-down).  So, in preparation for our little photo shoot I will work hard on going to the gym and getting to a place with my body where I’m happy (again to clarify-I did work REALLY hard leading up the wedding, I just felt like I ran out of time).  I will learn how to dress for my shape and get a couple of super flattering outfits for our shots.  And I will go to a salon the day of our photos and get my hair and make-up done again, this time with a natural look, more fitting for our setting and more reflective of who I am. 

I know that this may sound like I’m being whiny or spoiled.  But I’m really not trying to be; in fact, this is the first time I’ve even uttered the word “disappointed”.  I’m just trying to be honest, and take back happy memories of my wedding day.  I was set-up for failure by a ridiculous industry, and I’m ready to fight back.

So excited to begin this process!